Nostalgia

I'm in a shittiest situation once again after so long! I thought that i've moved on... but a nite out... after our break up, proves me wrong!
I've tried so hard to suppressed myself from falling back to him, by reminding myself how much a bastard he used to be when we were together. How he said mean words to me on purpose just to hurt my feelings. How much he made me feel so stressful and at one time suicidal when I was with him and after our relationship.
But damn, I'm experiencing this bittersweet longing for him again aft spending the whole nite with him at his place! It was great catching up for dinner, and initially I felt comfy with him around, but nothing sexual and romantic... it was very much like a night out with a long time friend. It was a wrong decision that I;ve made to agree to go to his place for drinks.

The moment when he looked at me straight in the eyes, when we were lying on the floor together, I knew I'm in trouble cause my heart was pumping so fast!The moment when we talked about what happened back then in our relationship.. after 8 months of our break up still made me weep. The moment he kissed me, it all tells me that I've not gotten over him, the desire of longing for him, wasnt disappear, it was just merely repressed. The moment we make out and make love, got me so emotionally depressed now because I know we can never be together again, and what's worst, I miss being with him. I miss having him around, I miss being in a relationship with him. I MISS HIM!